Over the past couple weeks I have spent many quiet nighttime hours awake feeding Tyler and coaxing him back to sleep. This has given me a lot of time to think. Quite a few of these hours my thoughts turn to my dad. I often think that losing my dad just plain stinks! It isn't fair. Why did I have to lose my dad? Accidents like his happen to other people, they don't happen to us. I still need him. I may be 30, but it doesn't make my reliance on his opinions and advice any less. He was way too young to go. We had plans for the future...and now everything, really everything is different.
Then yesterday I attended the general relief society broadcast. Being able to hear the words of the general authorities is a tremendous blessing. It is when I am in an environment such as this that I can feel the spirit and feel closer to my Heavenly Father than in most other places. The speakers weren't talking about this specifically, but I got the impression that I shouldn't dwell on what I have lost, but rather the blessing and opportunity that I have had to know such a man as my dad and have him as my dad for all these years. I have years and years of wonderful memories. I got to have a dad that loved me more than just about anything and still does. How blessed I am to have all of this and although he is not here with us now, his influence will continue throughout my life.
Dad - thank you for everything! I miss you!
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6 comments:
This is beautiful. Hooray for Relief Society Broadcasts! I feel like the message I take with me from them is always exactly the comfort/confidence I need, and often isn't related to their specific messages. I was thinking about you too!
that's so insightful! I would feel the same about my Dad- the parting is hard but the reunion will be joyful beyond words. :)
It really is incredibly unfair that you lost your dad. I remember him dancing to YMCA at your wedding dressed as one of the Village People. :o) I'm glad you have found some comfort. The gospel doesn't mean that death is any less difficult, but I do hope the knowledge of being with your dad again brings peace to you and your family.
I second Jen's observation - the Gospel doesn't make losing him stink any less, but it does make us realize that this isn't the end. I remember sitting with my father when he was sick, talking about the scripture "In my father's house are many mansions." We planned our mansions...mine had a fountain of red Kool Aid with sonic ice. :) As time goes by, the anger at death's unfairness fades (though it will come back from time to time) and the great memories replace them.
If you ever need to talk, let me know.
Just getting a little teary reading your post...I feel the same way about my dad even though losing him was so hard and it really does stink a whole, whole lot. I am like you in that I miss talking to him and having his advice and opinions every day. I've been thinking about you guys and we will come by soon...Carson has been under the weather so as soon as he is well enough to come and see that little Tyler, we will make a date. :)
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